Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
