im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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