dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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