Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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