his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
