Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
3pm strippers are depressing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
