oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
