i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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