My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
