Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
