Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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