The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
