dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Found your dick twin last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize