I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize