I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize