Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
