Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
