I got chris browned last night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
