Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
