I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
