dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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