So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
