i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
