I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
