My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
