My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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