I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
