i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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