the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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