you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
