Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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