She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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