You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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