Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
