I wish I could punch you in the face.
North Korea, Best Korea!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
