And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
