It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
