and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
