When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
