Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
