it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
