He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
