Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
