I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
