I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I want to be your penis for a week.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
