So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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