She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize