Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Randomize
