i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
