Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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