btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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