I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
