WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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