Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
