i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
