so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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