Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm passing your future prison.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
