im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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