i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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