My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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