can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
