he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
