just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
