Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
