this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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