It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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