hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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