i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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