Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
